Dissolution (divorce) is a very difficult time in your life, as an adult you may feel lost, scared, nervous about the future or many other emotions… what about children? Children cannot process change and information the same way an adult can, and likely, the ill feelings and betrayal or anger you feel toward your spouse may make it a bit easier to say bye-bye. The minor children usually do not have those same feelings about their other parent.
The damage that parents can do to their children can be irreparable and it really can be avoided. Speaking poorly in the presence of the children about their other parent is never a good idea. Letting a child know that you do not want them to spend time with the other parent should never be expressed to the child. Arguing over extracurricular activities a child want to participate in may make them feel like they are at fault. Letting the child know that child support is late, is nothing but added stress for a child. You have to work hard at shielding your children from all of the divorce (or paternity) issues. Children need to have love, respect, and feel “at home” with both parents. Having parents that live separately is hard enough, but parents who cannot agree that the sky is blue is agonizing for children. Parents must love their children more than they dislike one another. The only change in a child’s life is that they have two different homes, not that they can no longer have time with their friends because it is their “mother’s time” with them, or they cannot participate in extracurricular activities because it is their “father’s time” with them.
Divorce or parent separation (paternity) is hard enough on adults; however, the children need both parents to work hard on reducing change and stress to the children’s lives. Let the kids be kids and have two happy parents, not two feuding parents, who use all of their college fund on legal fees.
For assistance with a collaborative resolution call Schwam-Wilcox & Associates who can take your case through the collaborative process to teach you tools to co-parent your children even after the divorce is final.